Sometimes a good, ugly cry does wonders for the soul. People can be mean not only by saying or doing nasty things. Callous attitude, or just by exclusion can be as toxic and hurtful as sticks, stones, and words. This happen to me this morning. And it always hurts more if it's done to me by someone I care about. The more I care about that person, the worse it affects me. I had always made excuses when this kind of callousness and exclusion happens to me and mine. Today's incident was a lesson long time coming. Lesson of letting go.
I had a good cry just now. The kind of ugly sobbing with the scrunched up face, snot bubbling out of the nostrils and running down into the mouth, the kind where it can actually cause a headache and leaves me looking puffy. I have not had a good sob in a long, long time. Too long. And it was therapeutic and cleansing.
I find it very hard to not let people, words, actions, and just about anything, affect me. I am learning to let go. It's almost impossible for me. I have to be mindful that I have to let go, and in being mindful of that, makes me think and ponder about it, and hence it becomes a cycle. I am learning to box that toxicity up, and STEP AWAY from it, and leave it behind in my mind. Know that it happened, not ignoring it, but leaving it behind in my life path. Something like, mentally picturing putting it in a box, closing it up, and putting it at the side of the road, and walking away, moving forward in my journey. This kinda works for me at the moment. I am still learning.
I cried in front my laptop while working. After holding it in for months. That was when I let go. Sometimes, like my friend said, we hold it in too much. So it's OK. Just let it flow. It's okay.
ReplyDeleteyes, holding in too much happens unconsciously to me. it did feel good to let go :)
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